Focus on Ethics: 鈥淒on鈥檛 Let My Son Dress Up as a Girl!鈥濃�擳he Response
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The Situation鈥斺�淒on鈥檛 Let My Son Dress Up as a Girl!鈥�
Four-year-old Victor enjoys playing dress up in the dramatic play area. He is a quiet and reserved child who usually follows other children鈥檚 lead. But when engaging in dramatic play, Victor鈥檚 leadership shines as he collaboratively creates scenarios with his classmates. He is particularly adept at playing characters such as firemen, princesses, bumblebees, and moms. One day, Mr. Jackson, Victor鈥檚 father, who rarely comes to the center, arrives to pick up Victor and sees that he is in a pink princess costume. He curtly tells Marge, Victor鈥檚 teacher, that he does not want her to allow Victor to play in the dress-up area in the future. He then orders Victor to change, and they quickly leave.
Marge is taken aback by Mr. Jackson鈥檚 behavior.
The center is devoted to fostering relationships with all of its families, and Marge has recently made great strides in attracting Victor鈥檚 family to potlucks and school workdays. The staff collectively believe that in addition to building children鈥檚 imaginations, dramatic play enhances their social and communication skills and is an integral part of the learning process that gives children opportunities to develop abstract thinking, literacy, math, and social studies skills.
What should Marge, the ethical teacher, do?
The March 2017 Focus on Ethics column in听Young Children听featured an issue shared with us by Rosa Romero, a student in the master鈥檚 program in early childhood education at the University of Hawaii at M膩noa. It involves a father who insists that his 4-year-old son not be permitted to dress up in female clothing (see 鈥淭he Situation鈥斺�楧on鈥檛 Let My Son Dress Up as a Girl!鈥欌��). This case revolves around a conflict between a family member鈥檚 request and an activity that appears to be valuable for a child.
We are grateful for the input that we received about this case. The issue and the analysis rely heavily on Rosa Romero鈥檚 careful work, and we thank Rosa for her significant contributions to this column. Thanks to Vandana Dev, a preschool teacher and an adjunct instructor at Mission College, Santa Clara, and at San Jose City College, for her analysis; other groups who worked on this case include participants in a Directors Leadership Academy training sponsored by Smart Start of Mecklenburg County, North Carolina; participants in a training of trainers session at the Oregon AEYC Conference; and students in the ED 200 class on professionalism, at Portland Community College, in Oregon.
The process for responding to this issue
We will follow the process described in听Teaching the 强奸视频 Code of Ethical Conduct: A Resource Guide听to systematically apply the 强奸视频 Code of Ethical Conduct.
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Identify the problem and determine whether it involves ethics
鈥嬧赌�When you encounter a situation that appears to have a moral dimension, the first thing to do is to determine whether it involves ethics by asking yourself if the terms听right听and听wrong听or听fair听and听unfair听apply. This situation involves ethics because Marge must decide the right course of action when she is confronted by Victor鈥檚 angry father.
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Determine whether it is an ethical responsibility or an ethical dilemma
Ethical responsibilities require early childhood educators to follow the Code鈥檚 clear mandates. Dilemmas, on the other hand, require them to make a choice between two or more defensible resolutions, each of which could be supported by relying on the Code. Marge is facing an ethical dilemma because she can justify agreeing to the father鈥檚 demand and also justify refusing to honor it.
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State the dilemma
Marge must balance the benefits for Victor of his taking part in pretend play with the right of his father to make decisions about Victor鈥檚 upbringing. Victor enjoys pretend play with his classmates, and he might find it distressing if Marge were to single him out by excluding him from the dress-up center to honor his father鈥檚 demand.
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Identify the conflicting responsibilities听
Marge must consider what her training and experience have taught her is best for Victor while honoring her responsibilities to his family. She also has responsibilities to Victor鈥檚 classmates, who benefit from his good ideas and leadership during dress-up play, and to her director and colleagues, who feel strongly about the benefits of pretend play.
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Brainstorm possible resolutions
Marge could:
-Honor Mr. Jackson鈥檚 wishes and forbid Victor to play in the dress-up area altogether.
-Discourage Victor鈥檚 play in 鈥済irly鈥� costumes and redirect him to other costumes or other play areas.
-Continue to let Victor choose what and how he plays, and work with his father to help Mr. Jackson appreciate the benefits of dress-up pretend play.
-Ignore the situation and allow Victor to play in the dramatic play area, assuming that it is unlikely that his father will see Victor in a princess costume again.
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Consider ethical finesse
Many of the educators who worked on this dilemma saw the potential for using ethical finesse to address this situation鈥攖hat is, to find a way to meet the needs of everyone involved without having to make a difficult decision. A number of respondents focused on how Marge could try to change Victor鈥檚 father鈥檚 views about his son鈥檚 play by meeting with him to share her professional knowledge about child development and the benefits of pretend play. Further, Marge could invite him to spend time in the classroom to see for himself that Victor enjoys a variety of activities, not just dress-up. She could also use the school鈥檚 monthly newsletter to highlight the importance of dramatic play.Other suggestions for finessing this issue focused on changes Marge could make to the dress-up center, including offering more gender-neutral choices and involving families by asking them to suggest dress-up themes and share different costumes and props. We were interested to hear one workshop participant explain that to avoid Marge鈥檚 situation, her program stocks the dress-up area with scarves and pieces of colorful fabric to inspire non-gender-specific play.
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Look for guidance in the 强奸视频 Code
Respondents found that the Code鈥檚 core values, ideals, and principles offered guidance that applied to this situation. They noted, in particular, educators鈥� responsibilities to children and the importance of nurturing positive relationships with families.
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Core values
The following three core values are particularly applicable to this situation:
- Base our work on knowledge of how children develop and learn
- Appreciate and support the bond between the child and family
- Respect diversity in children, families, and colleagues
Ideals and principles
Respondents identified a number of items in the Code鈥攕pecifically in the sections addressing our responsibilities to children and families鈥攖hat could guide their thinking. They include these ideals:
I-1.2鈥擳o base program practices upon current knowledge and research in the field of early childhood education, child development, and related disciplines, as well as on particular knowledge of each child.
I-1.3鈥擳o recognize and respect the unique qualities, abilities, and potential of each child.
I-1.5鈥擳o create and maintain safe and healthy settings that foster children鈥檚 social, emotional, cognitive, and physical development and that respect their dignity and their contributions.
I-2.2鈥擳o develop relationships of mutual trust and create partnerships with the families we serve.
I-2.5鈥揟o respect the dignity and preferences of each family and to make an effort to learn about its structure, culture, language, customs, and beliefs. . . .
I-2.6鈥擳o acknowledge families鈥� childrearing values and their right to make decisions for their children.
I-2.8鈥擳o help family members enhance their understanding of their children . . . and support the continuing development of their skills as parents.
And respondents noted that that the following principles were involved:
P-1.1鈥擜bove all, we shall not harm children. We shall not participate in practices that are emotionally damaging, physically harmful, disrespectful, degrading, dangerous, exploitative, or intimidating to children. . . .
P-1.2鈥擶e shall care for and educate children in positive emotional and social environments that are cognitively stimulating and that support each child鈥檚 culture, language, ethnicity, and family structure.
P-2.2鈥擶e shall inform families of program philosophy, policies, curriculum, assessment system, and personnel qualifications, and explain why we teach as we do鈥攚hich should be in accordance with our ethical responsibilities to children.
P-2.4鈥擶e shall ensure that the family is involved in significant decisions affecting their child.
P-2.5鈥擶e shall make every effort to communicate effectively with all families in a language that they understand. We shall use community resources for translation and interpretation when we do not have sufficient resources in our own programs.
1. Identify the most ethically defensible course of action
Many who worked on this case decided that the best alternative would be to use ethical finesse to help the father understand the value of dramatic play and to help him recognize that preschool play choices are unlikely to be an indication of adult sexual orientation. They also discussed ways to use finesse to modify the environment to eliminate gender-specific dress-up options.
Some concluded that if attempts to finesse the situation were not successful, Marge would be justified in deciding that restricting Victor鈥檚 activities in the dramatic play area would cause harm both to him and to his classmates and, therefore, in refusing to honor Mr. Jackson鈥檚 direction. That decision would be guided by Principle 1.1鈥斺�淎bove all, we shall not harm children. . . .
If finesse is not effective, Marge should involve her director鈥攁nd perhaps the other teachers in the center鈥攊n helping her make a decision. If they decide not to honor Victor鈥檚 father鈥檚 wishes, it would be essential that she meet with the father鈥攑erhaps with both of the parents鈥攖o discuss her decision to continue to allow Victor to play dress-up in the dramatic play area. Marge would need to be prepared to accept negative reactions to this decision.
We agree with respondents who believed that the best alternative in this situation would be to encourage the family to accept Victor鈥檚 dramatic play choices and/or to make changes to the classroom environment. It is important to remember, however, that when efforts to finesse issues like this are not successful, ethical early childhood educators must be prepared to make well-reasoned decisions that can be justified by relying on the 强奸视频 Code.
Reflecting on the case
This issue, which has been frequently reported to us, involves strong opinions about boys鈥� play that can be culturally determined. In fact, the situation described by Rosa Romero involved a Hispanic family whose first language was Spanish. She described how Marge worked through an interpreter to be certain she was clearly communicating with his family about this sensitive issue. This is a good reminder that many childrearing values are strongly rooted in families鈥� cultural beliefs. Sensitive teachers must carefully balance their responsibilities to children and families, a task that can be particularly challenging when working in cross-cultural settings. The Code reinforces the field鈥檚 commitment to supporting the strong ties between children and their families, to respecting diversity, and to listening to and learning from families to support their children鈥檚 learning and development.
Photographs: 漏 iStock
